You should never turn your partner’s generosity into your entitlement.
For example:
In my previous marriage, I cooked all the dinners. I would make his plate, and bring it to wherever he was. I would do this for anyone I cooked for, because I’m sweet like that. It’s a quiet way of giving affection and being considerate.
One time, early in our marriage, he had a busy couple weeks. So, to be thoughtful, I began packing his lunch for those days. He needed to leave early, so I began cooking and packing him a breakfast to reheat at work. These were things I did out of love and kindness.
Fast forward five years…he comes home from work every night and parks himself in the recliner with the remote control. I come home from my job, and immediately start cooking. I’m cooking our dinner, while he watches TV and yells from the other room to find out when it will be ready. I bring him his plate, and he eats while he watches the news. I eat at the kitchen counter while I’m cooking his lunch and breakfast for the next day. He is watching a show, and wants dessert, while I’m doing dishes. I no longer even get a ‘thank you’. In fact, if I get busy at my job, and ask him to take care of his own breakfast or lunch, he becomes angry if it’s longer than a day or two.
Fast forward 10 years…I come home from work every night and immediately start cooking dinner, while my kids do homework or play in the other room. I make their plates and bring them to the kids while they play. My son stops when I walk in, jumps up and down and gives me a hug. My daughter meets me halfway, takes her plate and says, “Thank you, Mommy.” I eat at the kitchen counter while I pack their lunches. My kids put their empty dishes in the sink and tell me how much they like what I made. I will cook for them forever…if they let me.
My ex-husband…he sits in somebody else’s recliner now, taking that person for granted.
I love doing nice things for the people I care about. However, nobody is entitled to my generosity.
My best relationship advice: Accept generosity and thoughtfulness as gifts from your partner. Do not use those gifts to make them your servant. Gratitude will make you both feel loved.
